Monday, January 18, 2010

The end of an era

It only took a heartbreak to force me to blog again.

A lot has changed since my last posting. Resigned from Capital IQ, changed job for the nth time, nearly lost that job, Ondoy ravaged Metro Manila, bought my new baby Nikon D60, danced ala Michael Jackson for our Christmas party presentation, trekked Mt. Pinatubo with my beloved b3tches and welcomed the year with a sprained ankle. But none of those events merited any entry in my blog, and I thought, this will just be one of those blog projects that I eagerly started but turned into epic failures.

I promised myself I will not turn this blog into a cheesy diary, a repository of relationship woes, a drama anthology of sorts. But what happened over the last weekend was so painful that it deserves a blog of its own. And just like a pockmarked teenager rejected by a prospective prom date, I had no choice but to scribble the heartache away.

But no, I won't divulge the juicy stuff. There's no juicy stuff to talk about anyway. To go about the details behind the story would require me to turn back the hands of the clock many times over. And even that wouldn't make any sense to anybody because the years that I've spent with him are filled with blissful moments that would make one think, "this is going to last forever."

Alas, it didn't. So what gives?

Things are still ablur until now. All I remember was that we had a major fight Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon, he had already finished packing his stuff and left. I asked if we can talk things over, and he said yes, sure. And then on that quiet Sunday evening, he returned to our apartment (used to be "ours"). We just sat there facing each other, grasping for something to say.

And I can only remember, albeit vaguely, some of the words that we managed to utter:

"We don't know where this relationship is heading..."

"we're just holding on to what we've got because it's convenient..."

"We need to take some time off..."

"Things are never going to be the same again..."

"I need to be with someone who knows me..."

"I can lose a lover, but I can't lose my best friend..."

"I'M GOING TO MISS YOU..."



That last line finally set off a river of tears.